GUNTGRUTCHER meets Jason GORTICIAN Christie (Non-Fiction)
(Note: This is about me, not by me. It details the night Brian Magar of Guntgrutcher and Brad of The Black Method and I partied in New Orleans.)

Halloween 2000. Brad (Chemical) and I are scheduled to be in New Orleans. I made plans to meet the infamous JASON GORTICIAN a month in advance. So the whole time before "the day" we were waiting in anticipation. Wondering what this guy was actually gonna be like. To give some background. I have been corresponding with Jason Christie for about 5 years via email. He's always been down with what I've been doing and vice versa. Not familiar with GORTICIAN? Poke around on a search engine for a few minutes. I'm sure you'll be able to find some kind of press on Gortician.

So anyway. It comes down to "the day" we are supposed to meet. Brad and I are conjuring up all these scenario's of what this guy will actually be like. Laughing and bonding away on Bourbon Street until he calls. "He's on his way." We meet Jason in the lobby of the Marriot right off the French Quarter. He comes strolling in with a beat up leather jacket. Leather top hat, and a GUNTGRUTCHER shirt. FUCK YES!!!. We get his wife and kids squared away in our hotel room and go hit the streets. Halloween in New Orleans is surreal. Big floats and shit. Everyone is dressed up, drunk, naked and crazy as fuck. This definitely added to the insanity.

First stop was a craphole strip joint. We go in and I buy Jason 2 beers, a shot of jagermeister and a long island iced tea. He kills these in 5 minutes. We hang out and watch some big breasted stripper dance for 3 seconds. Then some crackhead broad comes out and dances. The whole time Jason is talking about virtual reality and concepts for DOT COM companies. To be honest I am not a tech guy, so I didn't understand a lot of the technical lingo. Later on Brad confirmed that Jason was no joke in the tech department. The strippers and belligerent hillbillies weren't giving us a good vibe at this place, so we left.

On to the next strip club. On the way there. Jason says, "Hey man, you know how you can tell it's not Mardi Gras?" I say. "No?". He says "Watch this." Jason proceeds in pinching this really hot girl's ass who was walking down the street. She turns around and says "Get the fuck off of me you sick-o." All three of us were laughing. It was about at this point that I realized that Jason's online persona is actually quite tame compared to the real deal.

So we all go to this other strip club. Once again. I take care of a large round of drinks for Jason. All in all. I think I spent about 60 bucks on Jasons drinks. So we're sittin there, Shootin' the shit about all things death metal and gore. Just chillin. Watching a few HOT strippers in action. Jason says "Man, I need to go smoke some weed. I'll be back." He goes in the back of the club and fires it up in the bathroom.

5 minutes later he's back in action. "Oooo..Ok man..You don't know me." This is what Jason said and moved to the back of the stripper wheel. I had no idea what he was talking about. Just then Brad bumps my shoulder and says "Hey man, Check out the wheel." I look up and see this stripper perched on a spinning wheel with GUNTGRUTCHER, GORTICIAN and 3 pentagrams slapped on the side. Turns out that Jason was sitting back there tagging the shit up as the stripper was dancing. I hear the bathroom has some nice tags as well.

Jason moves back and Brad goes in the VIP for some Lap dance action. Jason and I are shooting the shit some more. All the while I'm tipping this chick. Just then Jason stands up and says "Here, you want my fuckin' money? Here..Take it." He crumbles dollar bills up into little balls and proceeds to throw them as hard as he could at the womans ass. "Here...here's your fuckin' money!!!" It was pretty insane. Only because it isn't everyday that you see someone literally throwing money at someone's ass.

So we all get bored of that shit and decide to go out and try and find us a show. The Misfits where playing at the House of Blues that night. But It didn't really seem like the thing to do. So we walked around into uncharted territory. Jason fires up a joint like 5 feet away from a cop. Then he blows it in someones face. Walking around like the mad hatter. It was surreal in a way that I cannot really describe. Then we came across a huge group of hippies burning shit in the street around a drum circle. This wasn't our scene. We end up sitting in front of some store for a few hours just shootin the shit. It's like 6 am at this point and I'm tired.

We go back to the hotel and Jason hooks Brad and I up with some GORTICIAN CD's and a FESTERING SORE (Jason's other deal. Kind of reminds me of Bathory mixed with Venom) promo. ROCK!!!

I remember reading a short clip on the BRUTAL TRUTH newsletter a while back about Jason. It said something like "Special thanks to Jason Christie for the shirts and the killer time in Louisiana." That stuck in my head all night for some reason. Now I know why they felt the need to thank him for the good time. A few words come to mind when thinking about Jason. CULT is one of them. Jason is total CULT. A one man army fueled by insanity. Words cannot describe it. Jason is a man truly living the underground.